Sleep tight

Hush, baby. Don't cry.

I've been having a hard time these past months. It really really really really really sucked when my grandmother passed. It had been coming for years but something like this always happens too early.

I listened to this song a lot. It's by Avenged Sevenfold and it's called So Far Away. I don't know if it helped but it made the pain seem more real in a way. I cried a lot and I like to think it helped. (click more for lyrics)



A7X is my favourite band. If you want to, you can argue that they are satanists. I don't care. If you're hardcore like that, you can argue that they are fake. I don't care. I like their music, they are amazing people and they give great live shows. The fan community has always been good to me. There are tons of music videos out these days about not feeling all that well about yourself. Take Katy Perry's Firework. I like the song, but not that much. She tell us to 'come and show 'em what you're worth'. I think I'm past that. If I had to listen to a song it'd be Pink's Fuckin' perfect. I really like Pink. She speaks her mind and she's not afraid to be herself. I like to believe she cares. A7X does something alike. They're a bit aggressive, but in the right way. I won't kick your ass but I will surely walk away with my head held high because of them.
Also, Lady Gaga. She is so wonderful. I love her :)

"Tonight I want you to free yourself, I want you to let go of everyone or anything that has ever made you feel that you don't belong or don't fit in. I want you to reject any person that has ever made you feel like you're not good enough or thin enough or pretty enough or can't sing well enough or write well enough or that you'll never be great in your life. You just remember that you're a god damn superstar and you were born this way!"
I saw her live and she said those words. She cried, the gays cried. I cried. I don't usually cry at concerts but it was so beautiful and it just hit home. I love how she tells her fans not to leave the concert loving her the most, but loving themselves the most. She's a superstar but so modest at the same time. She cares :)

I met Chloe from TWLOHA a couple of weeks ago because she happened to be in Amsterdam. She was so sweet and just in general seemed like an awesome person. We had coffee and 'laughed about the simple things' as she so eloquently put it in her blog. It was fun, but I almost forgot telling her what I've been meaning to tell TWLOHA for ages - that they've had a huge impact on my life. I am very serious about interning for them one summer and I hope I can make it work. I did tell Chloe that they're the best and all that and especially to tell Jamie that I'm a huge fan. He makes TWLOHA special to me.
I'd like to get MADE TO DANCE IN WHITE DRESSES or something like that tattooed somewhere on my body, to reference TWLOHA in a not-that-obvious way.
I'd like lots of tattoos but I'm too scared. I definitely want to go for I LOST MY FEAR OF FALLING down my spine and I've wanted that since for ever but I've decided in December that I'm gonna put I WILL BE WITH YOU somewhere on my body too, near the other one (because those are lyrics from the same song, duh) to honour my grandmother. This is the tattoo I want to get the most.
Besides that, of course, a foREVer. Purpose for the pain on my right ankle.
It's just that, besides the pain, I know my parents will hate it and I love them more than body art. I think I'll wait a couple of years and get the design absolutely right before I do it.

I am sorry for not posting in a bazillion years but I like these posts to be honest and even though I started /living/ again I was too afraid to post on here.

I'd like to end with this pretty picture.

Don't ever change yourself for somebody else. X

"So Far Away" - Avenged Sevenfold 


Never feared for anything.
Never shamed but never free.
A light that healed a broken heart with all that it could

Lived a life so endlessly.
Saw beyond what others see.
I tried to heal your broken heart with all that I could

Will you stay?
Will you stay away forever?

How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned.
Place and time always on my mind.
I have so much to say but you're so far away.

Plans of what our futures hold
Foolish lies of growin' old
It seems we're so invincible, the truth is so cold.

A final song, a last request
A perfect chapter laid to rest
Now and then I try to find a place in my mind

Where you can say,
You can stay awake forever.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/avenged_sevenfold/so_far_away.html ]
How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned.
Place and time always on my mind.
I have so much to say but you're so far away.

Sleep tight, I'm not afraid.
The ones that we love are here with me.
Lay away a place for me
'Cause as soon as I'm done, I'll be on my way
To live on eternally.

How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned
Place and time always on my mind
And the light you left remains but it's so hard to stay
When I had so much to say and you're so far away.

I love you
You were ready
The pain is strong and urges rise
But I'll see you
When it lets me
Your pain is gone, your hands untied.

So far away.

I need you to know

So far away
And I need you to,
Need you to know...