Stars

As I arrived at de Melkweg yesterday, November 15, I couldn’t help but smile at the name: the Milky Way. I’m not entirely sure about metaphysical stuff like this, but I am pretty sure that heaven is located somewhere in the Milky Way. Or at least it was yesterday. Avenged Sevenfold played this very Milky Way and killed it. Someone in heaven (the guy with the beard) may not totally agree, seeing the many references the rockers make to his archenemy, but then again – the crowd did.

The crowd did more than just agree – they screamed, trashed, built pits and sang along ever so out of tune. After getting warmed up by Dutch hopefuls As Enemies Arise, they were more than ready for A7X to start their show with one of their best anthems so far: Nightmare. We got most certainly dragged down below, down to the devil’s show. They continued with Critical Acclaim, a song that seems a bit forgotten by the A7X fans sometimes but definitely deserves the spotlight. The crowd was energetic, the music was better than our high expectations and we may have felt squashed a couple of times.

When the guys welcomed Mike Portnoy to the family with the adequately named Welcome to the family our attention focused to the drummer who had been hidden from sight by his massive drum set up until then. Portnoy did an amazing job last night, as expected, and I’m sure a lot of kids welcomed him to the family while screaming their longs out. The welcoming got even better later on, when all of Synyster Gates’ guitars seemed to have broken down and Johnny and Mike improvised away, making me wish I brought some sort of recording device instead of my phone and its dead battery. Everything seemed to be working again, but A7X didn’t get a chance to continue because the crowd started chanting “Portnoy, Portnoy” over and over again. A warm welcome into the A7X family.

The Rev was ever so close during the entire show. People held up signs, Matt told about their last time in Amsterdam (which involved a dead pigeon, ‘shrooms and police on bike) and the tattoos and guitar straps were in full sight. Every song that involved losing someone made us reminisce about the genius that was Jimmy Sullivan. And though I’m not, like I said, very good at metaphysical stuff, I do hope heaven is located somewhere in the Milky Way. Because that might keep his genius just a tad bit closer.

Photo by Bart Heemskerk, All Rights Reserved. © 2010 Info @ Photocero.com

because forever is, among others, today.
because we won't forget.
because of the promise foREVer entails.
because of just the way he was.

rest in peace jimmy. you are missed.

I know you'll find your own way, when I'm not with you.

foREVer 

for one so small

One of the, perhaps unexpected, things I like about writing is the naming. I like browsing naming sites and making endless lists of names. If I get really into it, my characters will have second and third names and all that. Over the years I learned not to get too carried away, to not introduce characters with crazy names that are too outrageous for real life. Even though everything is possible in literature, I like to at least give my characters names that are somewhat realistic. Or just have one character with a name that isn't that regular. I love the name Alba (the time traveller's wife) and I think the name only works because the rest of the characters have regular names such as Henry and Claire. Over the years my taste in names has changed as well, which made me wonder if that's why teen moms give their kids lots of crazy names and older people choose names that are perhaps more boring.

On another hand, I'd like to pay tribute to the great Harry Mulisch (http://www.mulisch.nl/) passed away recently. He was one of the greatest authors of the 20th century and with his death comes the end of that century in some ways. I'd like to urge everyone to read something by him.

Also, I've begun to realize what living on your own really entails and I've stopped being so stressed about everything. I mean, I'm still stressed out a lot, but just a lot less. ;) If I don't do everything according to plan, I won't die. Seriously. It sounds obvious but it isn't always. I know where my priorities are: studying, writing, friends, family (which are really all equally important!). Studying is going good so far, I've had some pretty intense lectures which is what I've been wanting for a long time, so that's really good! I feel inspired to write again, which I really haven't in a long time, so I'm gonna try and find some time to brainstorm about characters, plots and all that jazz. I really really really want to feel inspired to write again. Not just short stuff, but I'd like to write something of about 20 pages or so. Something new, something with a bit of James Frey-melancholy and Niffenegger-eloquency. In Dutch, so that's something new too, when it comes to longer stories. I've been working on a story called Face Down for a bazillion years and I'm still in love with the characters but it really didn't work, so I haven't touched it in a year. Maybe I can translate the characters and use the plot for something new! Something exciting! I'm getting all excited while writing this, so that must mean something! The point is that Face Down was on the edge of moody and cliché and I really want to avoid cliche at all costs. I'll need beta-readers and tons of them.
So all in all, my plan for this winter is to outline my plot and characters. Besides moving, not failing any classes, having fun and all those other plans. ;)

love love love!!

it's been a hurricane

An hour ago a weight lifted off my shoulders. I finished my last assignment and my exam week is over! Phew I was seriously stressed out. There's still lots of things I could do in advance for next week -never a dull moment in a student's life!- but I'm just gonna reward myself with some down time.

I seriously envy those I graduated with that are now somewhere over the world, having a so-called sabbatical. Even though I think it's stupid, really. You're basically just being the white kid who hasn't ever faced anything and whose parents are paying for everything. Lots of people would kill for the opportunities you have and you just throw another year away like it's nothing. Wow. I can get so worked up over this. It's a different case when you're volunteering for something, working towards making the world a better place. But then again, I think the best way to help is to study and get some real knowledge and use that knowledge to help people. Become a doctor and save lives. Those people can build houses themselves. Become a promising PR-person and get people to donate tons of money.
And I know there are tons of pros. Awareness being a first. But I'm just sick of all those people who are so full of themselves and how sophisticated they are. And what travellers they are.
Get real and face it: all you're doing is blowing money your parents worked hard on, on a one-year vacation.

But yes, I am envious. Who doesn't want a one-year vacation? And besides that, I have tons of ideas that would get me overseas. I'd like to go to the New York Film Academy and take a screenwriting course. I'd like to volunteer for TWLOHA. I'd like to study Tolstoj in Moscow and Dante in Rome. I'd love to study Afrikaans in South-Africa. Or let me just get my driver's license and I'll travel all across the USA, On the Road-esque.

I am awfully shallow and perhaps a hypocrite. My parents pay my rent and the government pays for my food and my travel expenses. I go to class and I am a teacher's worst nightmare. I question all you say and more. I'm in-your-face loud and I try too hard to be funny.

Really, it's great. I absolutely love university. I love what it's doing to my brain and I love being pushed to do greater things. These first few weeks have been a hurricane. I've had to adjust to a new way of life, to different people, a different city, to lots of academical pressure. And right when everything seemed to go wrong it turned right around and I was catapulted into this new way of dealing with it.
I may not be swimming with dolphins and meeting people of all ethnicities right now, and that's a shame really, but I'm alive and I feel infinite.

do you know what it feels like for a girl?

and you can choke on your misery

"Therapy is about every kid's nightmare. When people are telling you that you need help, but all you really want is a hug."

(Alex Gaskarth)

Lunatic

My hands are always cold because I wash my hands like a maniac, whenever I have an excuse to do so. It's not a serious problem, but mostly just a part of me that manifests itself when I feel bad. Whenever I feel extremely stressed I calm myself by doing maths, counting things, straightening things, making sure lots of things are equal. It really is the equality thing that manifests itself the most. Like when I scratch the left side of my head, I have to scratch the right side too and it even starts itching there when I don't. I know it's in my head and I know it's not good, but it always passes.
When I feel good, there's nothing compulsive about me. My room's a mess, my life's chaos and sort of like a rollercoaster and it's good. I go to concerts and get dirty as hell and I don't really care. I laugh about it and it's okay. It's just that I can get caught up with life and every once in a while I kind of freak out. Does that make me a maniac?