Thursday, 10 March 2011
I don't usually show videos on here, usually just songs because videos usually frustrate me. This one is beautiful.
No long post today, but I'd just like to share with you that I feel good. And that I used this impulse to do something good and that I am alive and awake, wide awake. I am scared but a good kind of scared.
I told my story and I hope I'll get a response.
Here's hoping.
Love, S
Tuesday, 8 March 2011
Sleep tight
Hush, baby. Don't cry.
I've been having a hard time these past months. It really really really really really sucked when my grandmother passed. It had been coming for years but something like this always happens too early.
I listened to this song a lot. It's by Avenged Sevenfold and it's called So Far Away. I don't know if it helped but it made the pain seem more real in a way. I cried a lot and I like to think it helped. (click more for lyrics)
A7X is my favourite band. If you want to, you can argue that they are satanists. I don't care. If you're hardcore like that, you can argue that they are fake. I don't care. I like their music, they are amazing people and they give great live shows. The fan community has always been good to me. There are tons of music videos out these days about not feeling all that well about yourself. Take Katy Perry's Firework. I like the song, but not that much. She tell us to 'come and show 'em what you're worth'. I think I'm past that. If I had to listen to a song it'd be Pink's Fuckin' perfect. I really like Pink. She speaks her mind and she's not afraid to be herself. I like to believe she cares. A7X does something alike. They're a bit aggressive, but in the right way. I won't kick your ass but I will surely walk away with my head held high because of them.
Also, Lady Gaga. She is so wonderful. I love her :)
"Tonight I want you to free yourself, I want you to let go of everyone or anything that has ever made you feel that you don't belong or don't fit in. I want you to reject any person that has ever made you feel like you're not good enough or thin enough or pretty enough or can't sing well enough or write well enough or that you'll never be great in your life. You just remember that you're a god damn superstar and you were born this way!"
I saw her live and she said those words. She cried, the gays cried. I cried. I don't usually cry at concerts but it was so beautiful and it just hit home. I love how she tells her fans not to leave the concert loving her the most, but loving themselves the most. She's a superstar but so modest at the same time. She cares :)
I met Chloe from TWLOHA a couple of weeks ago because she happened to be in Amsterdam. She was so sweet and just in general seemed like an awesome person. We had coffee and 'laughed about the simple things' as she so eloquently put it in her blog. It was fun, but I almost forgot telling her what I've been meaning to tell TWLOHA for ages - that they've had a huge impact on my life. I am very serious about interning for them one summer and I hope I can make it work. I did tell Chloe that they're the best and all that and especially to tell Jamie that I'm a huge fan. He makes TWLOHA special to me.
I'd like to get MADE TO DANCE IN WHITE DRESSES or something like that tattooed somewhere on my body, to reference TWLOHA in a not-that-obvious way.
I'd like lots of tattoos but I'm too scared. I definitely want to go for I LOST MY FEAR OF FALLING down my spine and I've wanted that since for ever but I've decided in December that I'm gonna put I WILL BE WITH YOU somewhere on my body too, near the other one (because those are lyrics from the same song, duh) to honour my grandmother. This is the tattoo I want to get the most.
Besides that, of course, a foREVer. Purpose for the pain on my right ankle.
It's just that, besides the pain, I know my parents will hate it and I love them more than body art. I think I'll wait a couple of years and get the design absolutely right before I do it.
I am sorry for not posting in a bazillion years but I like these posts to be honest and even though I started /living/ again I was too afraid to post on here.
I'd like to end with this pretty picture.
Don't ever change yourself for somebody else. X
I've been having a hard time these past months. It really really really really really sucked when my grandmother passed. It had been coming for years but something like this always happens too early.
I listened to this song a lot. It's by Avenged Sevenfold and it's called So Far Away. I don't know if it helped but it made the pain seem more real in a way. I cried a lot and I like to think it helped. (click more for lyrics)
A7X is my favourite band. If you want to, you can argue that they are satanists. I don't care. If you're hardcore like that, you can argue that they are fake. I don't care. I like their music, they are amazing people and they give great live shows. The fan community has always been good to me. There are tons of music videos out these days about not feeling all that well about yourself. Take Katy Perry's Firework. I like the song, but not that much. She tell us to 'come and show 'em what you're worth'. I think I'm past that. If I had to listen to a song it'd be Pink's Fuckin' perfect. I really like Pink. She speaks her mind and she's not afraid to be herself. I like to believe she cares. A7X does something alike. They're a bit aggressive, but in the right way. I won't kick your ass but I will surely walk away with my head held high because of them.
Also, Lady Gaga. She is so wonderful. I love her :)
I saw her live and she said those words. She cried, the gays cried. I cried. I don't usually cry at concerts but it was so beautiful and it just hit home. I love how she tells her fans not to leave the concert loving her the most, but loving themselves the most. She's a superstar but so modest at the same time. She cares :)
I met Chloe from TWLOHA a couple of weeks ago because she happened to be in Amsterdam. She was so sweet and just in general seemed like an awesome person. We had coffee and 'laughed about the simple things' as she so eloquently put it in her blog. It was fun, but I almost forgot telling her what I've been meaning to tell TWLOHA for ages - that they've had a huge impact on my life. I am very serious about interning for them one summer and I hope I can make it work. I did tell Chloe that they're the best and all that and especially to tell Jamie that I'm a huge fan. He makes TWLOHA special to me.
I'd like to get MADE TO DANCE IN WHITE DRESSES or something like that tattooed somewhere on my body, to reference TWLOHA in a not-that-obvious way.
I'd like lots of tattoos but I'm too scared. I definitely want to go for I LOST MY FEAR OF FALLING down my spine and I've wanted that since for ever but I've decided in December that I'm gonna put I WILL BE WITH YOU somewhere on my body too, near the other one (because those are lyrics from the same song, duh) to honour my grandmother. This is the tattoo I want to get the most.
Besides that, of course, a foREVer. Purpose for the pain on my right ankle.
It's just that, besides the pain, I know my parents will hate it and I love them more than body art. I think I'll wait a couple of years and get the design absolutely right before I do it.
I am sorry for not posting in a bazillion years but I like these posts to be honest and even though I started /living/ again I was too afraid to post on here.
I'd like to end with this pretty picture.
Don't ever change yourself for somebody else. X
Saturday, 15 January 2011
Friday, 14 January 2011
right now
I really need somebody to tell me that I'm not a complete failure. I need someone to love me and not pretend to. I need someone to hold me. I need someone to tell me that it's not my fault that I'm broken beyond repair. I need someone to tell me that it really isn't my fault that I've been ripped apart again again again now.
I needdddddddd someone
It's too late to go home but I wantttttt to go home
I dont want to lie here feeling utterly and completely broken and fallen apart
I dont want to go back there I dont I dont I dont
I need to be strong
I need someone to be strong for me
I need to stop feeling like this so often. I need to stop surviving and start living. I can't go on like this it's been too long. I need to get through all of this and I need to start believing again that I am strong.
I need somebody to write love on my arms.
I need you
I needdddddddd someone
It's too late to go home but I wantttttt to go home
I dont want to lie here feeling utterly and completely broken and fallen apart
I dont want to go back there I dont I dont I dont
I need to be strong
I need someone to be strong for me
I need to stop feeling like this so often. I need to stop surviving and start living. I can't go on like this it's been too long. I need to get through all of this and I need to start believing again that I am strong.
I need somebody to write love on my arms.
I need you
Monday, 13 December 2010
hiatus
dear reader,
my grandmother passed away about a week ago. i'm taking my time to focus on supporting my family and making sure I get through the last weeks of this semester before the holidays. i don't know when i'll be back but it might take a while.
love,
S
my grandmother passed away about a week ago. i'm taking my time to focus on supporting my family and making sure I get through the last weeks of this semester before the holidays. i don't know when i'll be back but it might take a while.
love,
S
Tuesday, 30 November 2010
Monday, 29 November 2010
Teenage dream & deathly hallows
I love Katy Perry's song Teenage dream. Just like about everyone right now. I used to not like her at all because she seemed so shallow and all, especially around the time when she made I kissed a girl. But lately I've started to like her. This song really captures the intensity of teenage infatuation and it makes me miss it. Like, a lot you know!
Besides all the interpretation, the song is also great musically. There have been some pretty rad covers like the one on Glee or the following one (I love the drummer!!)
Just listen to it. I love how the voices are so unlike each other and somehow they mix together really well. (The band is called the Rescues and I never heard of them before.)
Also, is it just me or does going to university mean you can't be a teenager anymore? I mean, what kind of bullshit is that? I haven't even stopped being a kid, let alone a teenager. Yes, I live on my own but I still have a stuffed bear. I still read Harry Potter and I'm still no good at cleaning my room. I still doodle in my scrapbooks, but everyone else apparently is too cool for that now. I do go to class now because I like too and because I want too, but a huge part of me is still that little blonde girl who looks away shyly. (Why didn't my ex-boyfriend give me back that picture? Damn.)
Speaking of Harry Potter, I saw the Deathly Hallows pt 1 this Saturday with my bestieeee! Yay for that. I do hate how we got there at 2000 to see the 2015, which was sold out, then got in line again for the 2100 showing, which was sold out when we got to the end of the line and eventually had to go to the 2200! For way too much money, may I add. Luckily we took two bags of crisps and bought a liter coke to share! I did feel a bit homeless as I sat on the steps waiting for time to pass while sharing a coke and stuffing crisps in my face like it was some kind of competition. Nevertheless, we had a great time joking and giggling and sucking on ice cubes. My friend does the best impression of a blowfish ever! (Although I'm pretty skilled too!)
And that was even before HP&DH started!
It was literally tension tension tension all the way. I was completely mesmerized by the movie and got scared quite a few times, which resulted in me crushing my friend's hand as she hid in my huuuuge snowboarding jacket! I sat next to one of the ugliest guys ever who had a hideous chin piercing who was pretending to be super macho but it didn't really matter 'cause we had a great time! I hate how it suddenly stopped with a huge cliffhanger, but then again the first half lasted 2.5 hours and I don't think I could've sat through 5 hours without having to pee!
And even though I agree that the films are nothing like the books, I think they always do a great job with the feeling that's behind the scenes. Especially the music is just great. You get the general feel of awesomeness at a Quidditch match, the tension is awful when Harry & Hermione get to Godric's Hollow...
All in all, I really just can't wait to see the final part! I'd love to have some sort of marathon before, watching all of the movies, but I doubt I'll last through that. Maybe split it in two? 4-4? Ah, anyway, I started reading HP 7 again (even though I'm crazy b-.. you get my drift).
Oh! And I saw Lady GAGA live!!!!
But there are just no words for that. Maybe the fact that I've felt amazing since the show? Maybe how she asked us to not leave the show loving her the most but loving ourselves the most? Maybe the fact that she's the most gorgeous, talented woman to walk this earth? I love Mother Monster.
Another day, another rant. So long beautiful! X S
Besides all the interpretation, the song is also great musically. There have been some pretty rad covers like the one on Glee or the following one (I love the drummer!!)
Just listen to it. I love how the voices are so unlike each other and somehow they mix together really well. (The band is called the Rescues and I never heard of them before.)
Also, is it just me or does going to university mean you can't be a teenager anymore? I mean, what kind of bullshit is that? I haven't even stopped being a kid, let alone a teenager. Yes, I live on my own but I still have a stuffed bear. I still read Harry Potter and I'm still no good at cleaning my room. I still doodle in my scrapbooks, but everyone else apparently is too cool for that now. I do go to class now because I like too and because I want too, but a huge part of me is still that little blonde girl who looks away shyly. (Why didn't my ex-boyfriend give me back that picture? Damn.)
Speaking of Harry Potter, I saw the Deathly Hallows pt 1 this Saturday with my bestieeee! Yay for that. I do hate how we got there at 2000 to see the 2015, which was sold out, then got in line again for the 2100 showing, which was sold out when we got to the end of the line and eventually had to go to the 2200! For way too much money, may I add. Luckily we took two bags of crisps and bought a liter coke to share! I did feel a bit homeless as I sat on the steps waiting for time to pass while sharing a coke and stuffing crisps in my face like it was some kind of competition. Nevertheless, we had a great time joking and giggling and sucking on ice cubes. My friend does the best impression of a blowfish ever! (Although I'm pretty skilled too!)
And that was even before HP&DH started!
It was literally tension tension tension all the way. I was completely mesmerized by the movie and got scared quite a few times, which resulted in me crushing my friend's hand as she hid in my huuuuge snowboarding jacket! I sat next to one of the ugliest guys ever who had a hideous chin piercing who was pretending to be super macho but it didn't really matter 'cause we had a great time! I hate how it suddenly stopped with a huge cliffhanger, but then again the first half lasted 2.5 hours and I don't think I could've sat through 5 hours without having to pee!
And even though I agree that the films are nothing like the books, I think they always do a great job with the feeling that's behind the scenes. Especially the music is just great. You get the general feel of awesomeness at a Quidditch match, the tension is awful when Harry & Hermione get to Godric's Hollow...
All in all, I really just can't wait to see the final part! I'd love to have some sort of marathon before, watching all of the movies, but I doubt I'll last through that. Maybe split it in two? 4-4? Ah, anyway, I started reading HP 7 again (even though I'm crazy b-.. you get my drift).
Oh! And I saw Lady GAGA live!!!!
But there are just no words for that. Maybe the fact that I've felt amazing since the show? Maybe how she asked us to not leave the show loving her the most but loving ourselves the most? Maybe the fact that she's the most gorgeous, talented woman to walk this earth? I love Mother Monster.
Another day, another rant. So long beautiful! X S
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